Rules Of Mediocre Blogging: Be Self-Referential and Affected.

As we begin this important venture and bravely thrust ourselves into the magic world of Mediocre Blogging (MB), it is important to discuss some basic rules that are absolutely necessary in order to succeed in any endeavor of such ambition.  This fateful night I will discuss the important rule of Self-Reference – I will not claim that it is, in fact, the most important rule, but it is certainly up there with the best of them.  How would one characterize this seemingly elusive rule? I will courageously attempt to formulate it in a following way:

Rule of Self-Reference: When composing an entry for your blog, always refer to yourself and your life situations as if there are millions of people out there eager to learn about every single detail of your existence!  

It is important to remember that, even though the likelihood of your thoughts being anywhere near interesting and important is very small, you are the sole master of your blog and thus you are the author of an important contribution to the universal pursuit of knowledge! Your thoughts are not simply important, they are essential for the eventual survival of the humankind – the seeds you sow today will return with hundreds thousands of people pointing their fingers at you and exclaiming: “If not for his/her blog, I would still be an unenlightened plebe – Long live the author of this particular MB!”  Do not be afraid to constantly remind your readers of how important it is that you have chosen to share your thoughts with them and how deep is the abyss that separates you, the Mediocre Blogger, and them. Allow me to give you an example that would have to do for tonight as I am exhausted from an important discussion I had with some very important people this evening:

Example: Imagine that you are preparing a posting on an important cultural event.  You could proceed like everyone else and simply give the reader your objective description of what took place and your objective evaluation of the event. Or you could throw in some important, even if highly prejudiced, personal observations interspersed with phrases like  “As I always say in situations like that…” or “I remember when I met [insert important person] and [important person’s first name] and I were discussing exactly this kind of situation and I said…” or “and I thought to myself: doesn’t it remind you of that one time when you…” (speaking of yourself in third person in your own blog is extremely important).  Keep information about your personal life and views obscure enough to provoke considerable puzzlement and awe, but do give some details that would suggest your awesomeness without vulgarity and outright boasting. So instead of saying: “As a University of Chicago student…” say something like “As a frequent Hide Park visitor, I once bumped into John Smith at the Seminary Co-Op bookstore, strangely enough, we both reached for the recent French translation of the important German version of a distiguished Slovenian philosopher’s first book in Hungarian.”